So, it has been almost two months here for me in the Boston area. Do I like it? Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I do miss a familiar place. I miss going to the dollar movie theatre with friends, or just hanging out at a friends house for the day. Hopping in my car and taking Zoey to the dog park. Going to my DAIP meetings and being active in that organization.
Being in a new place is never easy even if you have lived in a state for a long time, the stress of packing, moving, unpacking, getting used to your new area and neighbors. It is still a change and sometimes people do not do well with change. I have always thought that I was one that would always go with the flow, new things or people never bother me, and new situations always excited me.
I'm finding that as I age, change is more terrifying to me. When things aren't the "same" they just don't seem right. I don't regret moving here, but I do tend to think was this the right time for me to make the move? Deep down inside, I know it was. It feels like I have an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other...both telling me what I should be doing. 15 years ago, I would have been more brave and just go on and do things. Now I tend to think about things more before I do them. Is it because if something happens to me I don't have a wide support group here as I did when I was in Texas? What will happen to Zoey if something happened to me? What will happen to me if I do end up going in the hospital again? It seems like I always was the optimistic one and never thought of the "bad" things that could happen, I would always think of the good things, like skipping through a meadow with rose colored glasses on.
Alot of my friends and family keep telling me you have to go out and do things, get to know your area...etc. But it really is easier said than done. I know that there are alot of people that would never try new things because of the fear of unknown. Could I be starting to feel that way? Would that be a bad thing? Could it be a good thing? Is it really bad to always be on the safe side? So many questions, for so many situations.
Every day I think if I can just get through this one day....then I can say at least I made it through the day. Maybe it is just too soon for me to think this deeply about things, as this situation is still fresh, and it is still new.
Soooo I guess I will finish by saying maybe this is a time in my life for me to reflect and settle down. Stop stressing myself out by trying to weigh myself down with responsibilities, spreading myself thin and just enjoy living. Maybe this is how things are supposed to go for me...although very tough emotionally and financially, as I have typed my blog I think I know the answer.
Well until next time...
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